7. An kitchen
There is a small cooking fire in the centre of the kitchen. Bones kneels before it in a meditative manner. Bones has a shaved head with a single long ponytail and is a woman. It is so simple.
With a small razorblade, Bones is cutting her blouse into tiny shreds, starting at her stomach.
BONES: When we were first married, we sat one night watching the full moon, our bellies full of chicken, and I asked Thrushby: “What if some day there is no chicken to put in the cooking pot?” He laughed and said “Then we shall cook pumpkin.” By the time the moon was full again we had run out of chicken and as we sat watching the full moon with our bellies full of pumpkin I asked Thrushby: “What if some day there is no pumpkin to put in the cooking pot?” He laughed and said “Then we shall cook grass.”
Bones drops the shreds of her blouse in the cooking pot.
BONES: That was six months ago.
Thrushby bursts through the door riding a canoe. In one hand he holds a sword, in the other a dead shark. Behind him on the raft is Tintin, urgently paddling. The sound of native drums pursues them.
THRUSHBY: Darling!
BONES: My lover!
Bones and Thrushby kiss gently. Behind them, a dart hits Tintin in the neck.
TINTIN: Thrushby!
THRUSHBY: Tintin! What is it? No – a poison dart. Is it…?
TINTIN: Rajijah – the juice of madness!
THRUSHBY: How long have you got?
TINTIN: Enough time to apply the antidote that the Professor developed. Pass the vial here, quickly!
THRUSHBY: Of course.
Thrushby chops Tintin’s head off with the sword and holds it by its tiny forelock.
THRUSHBY: Poor fellow – already insane. Take this, you godless scum!
Thrushby throws Tintin’s head through the door. Instantly, the pounding of war-drums changes to a slow, slinky number. I’ll go with Hadley’s “Ain’t No Sweet Man” here even though I haven’t heard it. His instincts are good.
Bones and Thrushby begin to kiss deeply.
THRUSHBY: Hold still, my darling. I want to show you a little trick I learned from one of the girls at the brothel. Next time when we kiss – I’m going to put my tongue inside your mouth.
BONES: But why?
THRUSHBY: Shh. Let’s let out tongues do the talking.
They begin to french kiss. Martha and Baron Sackpig enter.
MARTHA: Is that Bones?
BARON: Shh. ‘Tis most gloriously hot.
BONES: Darling, who’s there? It’s two vagrants!
MARTHA: Bones?
BONES: Deal with the vagrants, darling. Deal with them sternly.
Thrushby turns on Baron and Martha with much violence. He throws the shark at Sackpig. It comes to life and starts to snap at him.
MARTHA: Bones – you know who I am. It’s Martha Waits.
BONES: I’ve got my lover’s spit in my mouth, you bitch. I’m invincible!
Bones begins to slap Martha. Thrushby kicks the living shit out of the Baron.
THRUSHBY: GOOD SHOW EH FUCKER! BAD LUCK WITH THAT SHARK, WHAT? BIT OF A MOTHERFUCK OLD BOY DONCHA SAY CUNT?
Baron pulls the shark off his face.
BARON: The desert.
THRUSHBY: What?
BARON: The desert.
We laid a gold strip over each of your eyes
A gold strip over your mouth.
THRUSHBY: I remember…
BARON: We pushed you under the sand
And the shadow of the dunes lay over you.
There is the sound of the wind blowing the sand. It is very cold. Thrushby stands alone.
THRUSHBY: It’s the desert now. Is this the desert now? Did I never left? I never leave.
As long as there were dunes
The shadow of the dunes lay over me.
The sand covers Thrushby.
Martha headbutts Bones back to himself. Baron Sackpig is dying.
BARON: I can see clearly now the rain has gone
You know that song?
I can see all obstacles in my way
Bobby McFerrin
Here is the rainbow I’ve been praying for
You know what happened to Bobby McFerrin?
MARTHA: No.
BARON: He killed himself.
It’s gonna be a bright, bright, bright bright sunshiney day…
Baron dies.
8 - An mountain
